Today marks exactly four weeks since I've been here in Sri Lanka and there is something important I need to get off my chest. Not that this has only been on my mind for the past four weeks but I'm just about ready to explode now...
I think about you all the time, people say that it'll just happen when the time is right but I can't get you out of my mind.
I wish I could forget you, I wish I could just let this year happen but you haunt my every waking moment and it's only been four weeks. How much of my mind will you have consumed in four months time? Why can't you leave me alone? Why must you torment me so?
I see you everywhere. At times I swear I hear you calling my name. And your name...Your name comes whispering in the breeze; it resounds in my head, echoes on my lips, colours my dreams, holds my breath...takes me away from the here and now.
I long to find you, to know you, to have and hold you...but alas so far you are but a distant dream. A relentless fantasy
"I think I have a problem, I think I think too much" - truer words have ne'er been spoken when it comes to me and you. Perhaps if I just let it be you'd come to me, but I can't let it go. Place this in the hands of fate? Wishing for a fortunate happenstance to send you in my direction - I am the craftsman of my own fate (or so I've been told) - does that not apply to this too?
Oh, but to say your name and make it real - this thing that escapes me and simultaneously bewitches. To speak your name without fear - to know what I know, to share in your secrets and make them my own. Spending time with you is a pleasure I look forward but cannot know...not now! Not yet! I have to give it time.
And yet still I yearn to know you, to understand you, to unravel your mysteries and make them known...
Thesis I will find you! But for now please leave me alone.